


Shards

by segadora



Series: Blinded [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Lavellan/Solas Angst (Dragon Age), POV Lavellan (Dragon Age), POV Solas (Dragon Age), Past Lavellan/Solas (Dragon Age), Solas (Dragon Age) is Grim and Fatalistic, Solas - Freeform, Solavellan Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:01:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23224432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/segadora/pseuds/segadora
Summary: A baffled Inquisitorial Squad is stumped at how to deal with Nara Lavellan after her return from a mysterious trip to Crestwood with Solas. As the Inquisitor seems otherwise occupied, the perspective of the Inquisition shifts to its other leaders. Uncertain of how to deal with her unprecedented distance, Nara Lavellan's council turns to Solas for guidance on how to deal with the Inquisitor.I've been holding onto this for a while because, frankly, I love adding context to the little bits that we get from what is canon, but it doesn't seem to fit in what my plan is for the whole of the Blinded series, so I wanted to publish it on its own.
Relationships: Dalish (Dragon Age: Inquisition)/Solas, Female Inquisitor & Solas, Female Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan, Lavellan & Solas
Series: Blinded [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1669795
Kudos: 15





	Shards

_Crash._

The sound of destruction rang through the hall as a group of people had gathered outside the Inquisitor’s door. Nara had come home from a sudden trip with Solas alone in the dead of night—the only reason anyone even knew she had returned was because her hart was back in its pen, grazing hungrily. Solas was still nowhere to be found. At first, there was only silence and the Inquisitor’s friends and advisors figured she just needed a break.

Now, however…

The unmistakable sound of a dresser tipping over sent a hush over the hall and a few people cast worried glances upwards.

“I say just leave her be,” Varric said, folding his arms. “So, she felt like smashing a few of her belongings? I’ve been fighting the urge to tear down those Chantry curtains since we arrived. Let her blow off some steam!”

“Blowing off steam is one thing, but this?” Josephine gestured upward with a concerned look. “This seems excessive. Maybe she needs help?”

“Help with what, tossing her bed off the balcony?” Dorian smirked, leaning back against the door frame. Leliana frowned.

“Maybe that would help.”

_Thunk._

Josephine rolled her eyes.

“Maybe Varric is right. Perhaps we just leave her alone, at least until she calms down. She will come down when she’s ready, then we can make sure everything’s alright.”

Varric shrugged and began to turn away.

“Whatever you say.”

Leliana and Dorian seemed more hesitant to leave. Leliana eventually turned away, huffing slightly as she went. Dorian looked out around the hall, then to Josephine, who shrugged slightly before retreating to her desk. Dorian thought again about going up and making a few of his own suggestions about Nara’s redecorating, but thought better of it and left her to her wanton destruction.

The barrage overhead continued well into the night, but most people seemed resolved to wait the storm out. Eventually, the destruction quieted, leaving only a ringing silence behind, which echoed through all of Skyhold with an oppressive weight.

***

“He’s been spotted.”

Dorian looked up from his book as Leliana passed through, pulling her hood over her head.

“Ah.”

Marking his page, he closed his book and grabbed his coat as he followed Leliana out of the room. Varric looked up at them as they passed and Leliana nodded. He cursed under his breath, then jumped up and raced forward to Josephine’s study.

The courtyard appeared relatively normal. Groups of people huddled discussing whatever business concerned them at the moment and people hurried back and forth to whatever task commanded their attention. The only people out of place were those who were carrying fragments and bags of items too broken to recover by magic from the castle.

Dorian, Leliana, Varric, and Josephine were already whispering to each other in Skyhold’s courtyard when Solas strode through the gate. The whispering stopped when he appeared, slightly worse for wear. His bare feet were blistered and bloody, as were his knuckles. There were dark bags under his eyes and his skin seemed ashy and pale. He looked up and paused when he noticed the group silently staring his way. Taking a breath, he walked toward them, gathering his composure along the way. They made no effort to conceal that they had just been talking about him as he approached, but still had the decency to cease their whispering.

“Solas,” Josephine greeted stiffly with a nod. Leliana’s nostrils flared and she threw Josephine a sideways glance.

“Josephine,” Solas replied, equally stiffly, casting a glance to the surrounding party. “To what am I owed the pleasure of this greeting party?”

The four looked to each other at that, each wondering who would speak first.

“We were wondering,” Leliana glanced around at the others as she spoke, “if you would have a word with the Inquisitor.”

Solas clasped his hands behind his back and cocked his head.

“A word with the Inquisitor? Regarding what exactly?”

He purposefully feigned innocence, his expression the picture of curiosity. He clenched his trembling hands tighter behind his back, where they would give nothing away.

“She’s been rather distraught since she last returned to Skyhold.” Dorian peered fiercely at Solas with knowing eyes. “She hasn’t even ventured from her chambers, as far as we know.”

“We thought perhaps you would be able to talk her down from whatever she’s going through,” Josephine offered.

“What made you think I’d be more successful than… whatever it is you’ve already attempted?”

Dorian’s glare intensified.

“We thought—” Leliana began before Josephine grabbed her arm and gave her a harsh look.

“We’re just not quite sure what to do with this—” Dorian gestured toward the bundles of splintered wood and glass being carried out of the castle, “—or if this maybe had something to do with you.”

Solas looked toward the bundles and his expression seemed to change, though no one could quite put their finger on how it had changed, for his face remained blank. Something had flickered behind his eyes, though; too quickly for anyone to pick up on. Perhaps it had simply been comprehension, based on what Solas knew and the rest of them didn’t. Perhaps it was remorse or sadness, or perhaps it was a mild satisfaction at the turmoil he had caused in their dear Inquisitor.

Regardless of how the people in front of him calculated his response, Solas measured his next words carefully.

“If what you’re implying is that this destruction of property is due to the behavior of the Inquisitor, I’m as surprised as you must be. What exactly do you expect me to do about it?”

The four seemed momentarily at a loss of how exactly to respond to that. For a moment, Dorian’s mouth actually gaped open, yet he was still the first to recover.

“What should you do about it? Oh, I don’t know, maybe have one of those long, personal talks with her when you’re both simultaneously somehow unconscious? Or maybe whisk her off somewhere suddenly when you think no one notices where you’ve gone? Or maybe, for once in your life, give a damn about how these impulsive, reckless tristes actually affect her, and take responsibility for your own actions for once in your life? How about that? Or would that be too obvious for you, since you prefer to lurk in pretense and shadow? Would you rather keep everything hidden and force her to suffer in silence? For fuck’s sake, Solas, she’s only eighteen. Give her a break.”

Solas met Dorian’s piercing gaze and the two locked eyes for what felt like eternity. Solas’s resolve seemed to dissipate before their eyes and his indifference turned to pleading in the blink of an eye.

“I cannot comment on what you’ve observed. Any extraordinary understanding you think the two of us have, I can assure you, is imaginary.”

He swallowed.

“The only insight I can give is that she takes sugar in her coffee when she’s upset.”

He looked at each of them briefly, his face blank, before nodding and proceeding toward the castle.

***

The next morning, Nara had awoken before everyone else and crept downstairs to the Hall while it was still empty. She had meant to simply nick more food from the kitchen, but noticed candlelight flickering from beneath the doorway to the rotunda. Heart fluttering, she raced toward the door, pausing before she entered. She straightened her waistcoat and tried to mat her hair down.

 _I must be quite a sight,_ she thought sarcastically. She had hardly slept in the three weeks since she had met Solas in Crestwood and had frequently overindulged and infrequently bathed. Still, she needed answers. She needed to see him. If she could just explain, make him understand, maybe he would think differently. She gathered her courage and opened the door quietly, striding into the room with all of her intention at the tip of her tongue.

Solas was at his desk, and looked up as she entered, standing as she approached.

“Inquisitor.”

That stopped her dead in her tracks. She should have expected this, but it still hit her like a punch to the gut. She looked him over. He looked just as he had before he had left: hands clasped behind his back, shoulders square, bare feet. The normalcy of it broke her all over again. How did he seem the same even when he claimed she had changed everything? He had certainly changed her. Nothing was the same, yet he still stood before her, ready to answer her questions, as usual. People were stirring around the castle, going about their business. No one, not even him, seemed to acknowledge that everything had changed. It was too much.

She realized she had been staring for far too long.

Her mind raced as she tried to think of some other reason she might have entered the rotunda besides the fact that he had returned. She thought of excusing herself to see Dorian or Leliana, but it was quite early in the morning still and both were known for sleeping late. If she had just needed a book, there were more convenient ways of accessing the library rather than entering through his chambers.

She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. He was staring at her expectantly—his face blank and his posture stiff as a board.

 _Fuck it,_ she thought. She was not ready for this. She turned and all but ran from the room, back to the Hall, back to her chambers. There were a few books still left untouched on the shelves in her room that tempted her destructive streak, but her bed called more loudly. As morning dawned and the sun showed its face over the distant mountains, Nara finally succumbed to sleep and stayed asleep through the day. Her absence, at this point, hardly seemed irregular throughout the day.

She woke at dusk and stayed in bed, listening to the sounds of activity as it tapered off. When silence rang through the castle, she emerged once again, unsure of her destination until she once again saw light flickering beneath Solas’s door. Unsure of what pulled her forward through the door, she was ready for him this time.

“Inquisitor,” he repeated.

His tone and expression were exactly the same as they had been that morning. Her heart was in her throat.

“I’d like to discuss what happened before, Solas.”

He moved so that the desk was between them, acting as a barricade against what she would do or say.

“I’m afraid that wouldn’t be appropriate at this time. We must focus on what truly matters. Harden your heart to a cutting edge and put that pain to good use against Corypheus.”

So, she was not to have answers. Hurt as she was, she was put off by his pretentious and advisory demeanor. How dare he instruct her on how to grieve? Still, his response implied that he might be open to discussion in the future. Better to keep the peace for now, she decided.

“Will you talk to me when we have finished with Corypheus?”

He shifted his weight.

“If we are both still alive afterward, then, I promise you, everything will be made clear. Let me know if I can be of any more help in planning our final fight.”

At that, he turned away, returning to his studies, marking the end of any conversation they might have had. Stung, Nara backed away, then turned to the doorway leading up to the library and racing forward. If answers might await her after she defeats Corypheus, then she would not waste any more time. Bitterly, she remembered his advice to harden her heart to a cutting edge. And so she would, at least until Corypheus was defeated. If that was what it took for him to be able to talk to her, she could give him the space he needed.

Dorian looked up as she approached. Her resolve set, she forced a smile. She could defeat Corypheus. She _would_ defeat him, for herself and for everyone else whose future hung in the balance. She would do it for Solas, so that maybe, when this was all over, they could both find some peace and move on. Her heart ached and her eyes stung with tears she would not shed, but she trusted him and sought to heed his advice. He knew better than she did what awaited her, and if he believed she needed to focus on what awaited her, then she would.

Dorian was looking at her expectantly. He had said something she had missed. She cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Her voice was steady, her expression blank, and her feelings were locked tightly inside a box she would not reopen. She was finally the person her council had been pressing her to be since the mark had appeared. She was the Inquisitor, and she would not let her people down.


End file.
